Pink Camo- Joy comes in the mourning

Last night was particularly difficult. Our house is 95% packed up. Just the last couple of items littering the house need to be thrown into a box. Tomorrow morning I am picking up the moving truck and we are loading it up. This last week has been a time of good-byes.

We love our home. We love our church. We love our family. We love our friends- and we are saying good-bye to all of it in order to follow God’s calling for us to missionaries in Frederick MD working with Grace Community Church.

I went to tuck my 6 year old daughter in bed. She is normally bubbly and quick to welcome me to tuck her in, but this time was different. She was hiding in her pink sleeping bag. Through some tender coaxing, I was able to get her to emerge and talk with me. After some small talk she locked eyes with me and her bottom lip started quivering. “Daddy, its just that I have to say good-bye to all my friends and all my family. I’m gonna miss ‘em Daddy.”

My heart sank. It broke. My little baby was hurt. I began crying along side her. Tears streamed down my face as she confessed her difficulty. I hugged her tightly as I held her- caccooned in her little pink camoflage sleeping bag.

I realized just how much I have asked her to give up over the last three years; living in three different houses and now onto our fourth- each time giving up a future with those friends. I cried with her and II prayed with her and offered her comfort from God’s faithfulness. What else can a daddy do?

I have a brave little girl. She did something that many Christians don’t do; she was honest with her pain. She was willing to cry out to her daddy and say “it hurts!”. She was willing to mourn. She was brave enough to make herself vulnerable. She was willing to cry. She didn’t dismiss it away thinking I am a Christian and Jesus should be everything I need and I shouldn’t feel that way.

I can look back over my life and see the many times I never really let myself mourn. People that passed away, friends that betrayed me, moving and leaving people that I love. All those things hurt, but I had some illusion that I am supposed to be stronger than that so I will not mourn. I will not be honest. I will not cry.

Abba, I repent of that. I want to be emotionally healthy and be honest with God and others about my pain. I will not hide behind illusions and facades of strength. I am willing to say “I am weak and God I need you. Daddy this hurts.” I will name the hurt and ask the Spirit of God to step in and be the Counselor, Comforter and Healer that He says He is. I will be willing to tell my Daddy that it hurts, that I hurt.








Its ok to hurt because God says that sorrow last only for a minute, but His joy comes in the morning. I would be willing to say that God’s joy comes in the mourning.